So the other day in the middle of my occasional classical music binge I had a reoccurring thought that has become more and more clear in my mind every time it has brought up. We all know that classical composers and orchestral directors are generally greatly admired for their talents and great skill in their work. But the truth is that, in general, modern society doesn't understand what the ins and outs of classical music are, or what truly makes these artist so significant in their work. Most people would be far more enthralled by any old guitar strummer than they would a significant classical genius. This came to me as I was listening to this music and realizing that this one song had flowed almost effortlessly from emotion to emotion, telling a story without using any words or really indicating it would do such. I came to a point where I suddenly felt like somebody had been telling me the story of their past. I realized this when the song took a morose turn, I literally felt like someone just started into a turn in their life story where things just fell apart. I was seriously amazed to think this song without words could evoke so much varied emotion, telling a much larger story than the sum of its notation.

The more I see complexity in various things, the more I realize why people devote themselves to things which seem obscure or a little goofy. This has taken on many different forms in my life, but the underlying similarity is the ever-epiphanatic realization that there may be some good reason people enjoy what they do. Many of these are either lost arts or geographically localized interests. Tap-dancing is something that has always fascinated me. I really don't understand how you can do that with your feet, how you can keep your balance at the same time, or how you could figure out and design a technique for it. Another thing I saw recently was a man who is a vodka taste-testing judge. Now, I would say that the majority of people in this world are split between either those who wouldn't like vodka or those who want the vodka for its alcohol content. But here is a man who obviously does not drink vodka to get wasted, but purely for the taste. And above all of this, I watched amazed as he taste tested 8 shots of vodka and placed them correctly in order of their quality. Obviously he truly has a taste for and intimate understanding of the complex intricacies of vodka's flavor.

The list goes on and on, but the over all theme runs true througout. The things which people are purposeful in often have some interesting complexity and true sense of worth in them. This stands a stark contrast while those activities which are often more socially popular lack any intrinsic value.

A. W. Tozer said we have a veil.
Faber was crazy in love.
I was once.

Tozer's first name is Aiden. The other night Aiden said something that really hit in a new way. In the Old Testament we see that God revealed Himself to be present in Israel in the Tabernacle. This place is divided into three parts, for those of you less up on your Tabernacle architecture. You have the outer area where sacrifices and more constant interaction with God is done. Then you have the holy place were only the priests can enter. In this area there are various symbolic items, the bronze candlestick symbolizing Christ's light in the world, the shewbread stood for Christ as the Bread of Life, and the alter of incense's constant fragrance reminiscent of prayer being constantly lifted up on our behalf. Going on further, beyond the veil, we have a place which is no longer symbolizing. The Holy of Holies is the place where God's presence itself dwelled. This was God's way of literally manifesting Himself as being in the midst of the Israelites while shielding His holiness from their sin. This is no metaphor, no, this is quite serious. Only one person was allowed there, only once a year, and any wrong move meant certain death.
All this being said, Tozer made a simple point. In the New Testament, immediately upon Christ's death, the veil separating the presence of God from men was miraculously ripped down. God saw what Christ did and it was enough to make Him accessible to man again.
Amazing.
But I have yet to tell you anything new. Tozer takes all of this truth and points out that not only is God available, He is eager that we should come within the veil's boundary now. Aiden bounds on and on about how worthy God actually is and how fulfilling He would be. But the fact is that we as Christians do not live within the veil. Why? Because there is another veil still standing. And what veil is that? There lies within our hearts a veil shrouding us from clear perception of who Christ is. And this veil "is woven of the fine thread of the self-life, the hyphenated sin of the human spirit. They are not something we do, but something we are, and therein lies both their subtlety and their power." All of these sins of self, self-righteousness, self-confidence, self-pity, self-love and others are so ingrained in us we don't even realize them right out, and they are often employed in successful ministry.
Many ministries purposefully promote their ministry, not simply Christ.
To be honest, we put a much better emphasis on who God is than we do on who we should be.
As I read about the serious pain caused by having this living self-matter torn out without anesthetic, I prayed for its destruction in me, knowing I had no clue how this would pain me in the end.
The strange things is that after reading and praying all of this, I didn't want to do anything. It was the strangest thing I have ever felt. I couldn't think of anything in the world I wanted to do at that moment.
Nothing entertaining.
Not sleep.
Not eat.
Not study further.
I felt out of place. I literally felt without desire. It was eery. It was confusing. It was a first. I sat outside and looked at the stars, simply for lack of anything to do. I thought about TV, facebook, eating, taking a shower, going to bed early. They all sounded like horrible ideas.
It was so strange that this truth I was joyous to read and ask for in my life made me feel out of place being alive. I was all alone, but had a feeling like I was at a party full of strangers, I just needed to be somewhere else. It wasn't something bad or scary, just completely foreign. I hope to go back there often. It seems a good jumping point. Maybe I can be more like Faber.
Tozer used one Frederick Faber as an example of a man so in love with God that he almost seemed mad. I imagine this point of having no desire for anything in this world is a point from which to move in this direction.
I mean, this guy was like mind-bogglingly passionate, like a really clingy love interest, or more likely in the situation coming to mind, past love interest. I think this is the only situation in the entire would where that can be a good, even the best thing. He had individual and undying love for each member of the trinity personally, he had fallen for each of their personalities. He wrote poetry about how he love the Father so much he didn't know how to control his physical functioning, and literally pressed his forehead into the ground in worship of the Holy Spirit. He said of the Son,

We can exaggerate about many things; but we can never exaggerate our obligation to Jesus, or the compassionate abundance of the love of Jesus to us. All our lives long we might talk of Jesus, and yet we should never come to an end of the sweet things that might be said of Him. Eternity will not be long enough to learn all He is, or to praise Him for all he has done, but then, that matters not; for we shall be always with Him, and we desire nothing more.

I can think back to a time in my life I scarcely remember. Although I do not know to what extent I understood all that has been spoken in this tremendously long-winded post, I do remember something that will last with me all my life. I remember years ago, working in factory making 50 gallon steel drums. I remember standing by myself at the end of a line, catching drum lids and bottoms as they came off of a press. But mostly, I remember singing quietly to myself of the glory and magnitude of our God. And I remember catching 5 lids every 10 seconds, crying softly simply because I was so blessed because of who God is, because I have Him, and because He wants me.
This is how life was meant to be.