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January 5, 2008

I was talking to a friend the other day, and they mentioned to me how much spiritual oppression they feel right now. I had to agree when we thought of ourselves and all the friends and family going through spiritual slumps. It was hard to think of anyone we knew well who seemed to really be walking with God in a clear visible way. This in not to insult anyone, but to say that it has been increasingly feeling to me and others as if God is not moving. We know this is not true, but looking into Lamentations today really reminded me of that conversation, and how true it can be that all spiritual light can seemingly dissapear. The beautiful thing is that even with no visible changes many time, God shows the author and encourages us as well through it. We can see that no matter how bleak God is always faithful and only waiting for us to act as such with Him. No matter how bleak, God is always there and controlling things, regardless of whether we see change or not. Do not doubt Him.
Proverbs 20:21 says, "An inheritance gained hastily in the beginning will not be blessed in the end."

I feel like this verse along with many of the others surrounding it really applies for me at this stage in my life. The combination of the issues in my previous post and the intense busyness of the world we are acustom to makes this verse the one I need. So busy looking for the answers to know where to aim. God wants us to just look to him day to day and find the answers now for the questions now at hand.

Proverbs 20:21 says. "An inheritance gained hastily in the beginning will not be blessed in the end."

I've heard that some schools try to get you to decide on your career upon entering high school, so you can take classes more geared in the right direction. I find it very hard to accept that God considers that important to be thinking about. In highschool, I was grounded and felt confident in my life, my standards, and where my values were. Since I left for college, I lost all those things. Constantly thinking months and years ahead has forfeited me all the time I've spent with that mentality. I feel like I have tripped over every step because I was trying to look blocks ahead. Lost track of my relationship with God over and over again, not focused on who I am today, but what I'll do in 3 weeks/6 months/2 years/1 decade. I, and anyone who can relate, have to think differently from what everyone else seems to endorse.

January 3, 2008

Man, I really need to learn to take these self-photos where I am sitting around my house, staring at the camera/ off into the distance. It seems everyone but me has had one at some point. I need to get on that...

I have to say that college over all has been a time of turmoil for me. I have come to question everything from what I want to do to what God wants me to do to what God thinks is most important. I have come in counter with every question from every angle, and screwed up alot in my answers I think. I have made alot of mistakes, and understand completely how so many kids get so screwed up when they go off to college. It's not just the schooling, it's the complete lack of familiarity, and much of your accountablity. Everything is constantly changing... one day you are sure you are focused in one direction, the next it could be completely different. I have had some many different, often reoccuring, directions in my life since I started college. It's easy to lose sight.

So I am extremely thankful that God gives me those reminders. Like I work temp jobs, and I just randomly meet people who find out I went to a Christian school and immediately interogate me on my walk with God. I need that so much and God really just provides this interesting situations. He really wants me back. No matter what I am focused on, God wants me to be focused on him more. I need to remember that.